There's No Other Way (4-4-2 for the Quarter Final)

James

Neville Ferdinand Carrager A. Cole

Beckham Hargreaves Gerrard J. Cole

Walcott Rooney

JT's World Cup is over. He's a basket case liability at the back. Even in his post-match interviews he's been transformed from a full-blooded, teeth-grinding leader into a shy little boy out of his depth. Why? Because Paul Robinson scares the bejesus out of him. Before Van der Sar arrived at Man U Rio had gotten used to playing in front of dodgy keepers but Terry has always had Cech, or at worst, Cudicini, pulling off the heroics. Robinson is another country and Terry can't read the map, has lost his passport and doesn't speak the language.

Calamity James might drop a bloomer at any time but he's got real physical presence and who's the third keeper? I can't even be bothered to look him up.

Neville goes in if he's half-fit and if not then Bridge. At least he knows how to make an overlapping run upfield, unlike Carrager, and Hargreaves is needed elsewhere, namely in central midfield. Like the Roonster, Hargreaves displays admirable taste in refusing to sing along to God Save the Sodding Queen and he carries that class onto the pitch, snapping into tackles, winning the ball and passing crisply to the nearest forward teammate. What else do you need in that position?

Lampard is so bad no case needs to be made for dropping him. Beckham on the right over Lennon, just, for his crossing and set pieces. Crouch is, and only ever will be, Plan B. We know Walcott has speed and...well, that's all we know about him but he's there so play the bloody child and see what happens. Pace, as the pundits never tire of saying, scares defenders, he'll win lots of free kicks around the area and free up some space for Rooney to operate.

Mr Angry's Ref Watch

What's all this positive talk about the refs? They stink.

A random selection:
Serbia/Holland. Markus Merk (Ger), like all the refs so far Merk's incessant blowing for trivialities derailed the flow of the game. Once refused to give Rooney the match ball Shrek's Fenerbache hat-trick.

England/Paraguay. M Rodriguez (Mex), incompetent and petty in equal measures, prevented players from drinking water during the game. He once sent three off in a Mexican cup final, "staining the reputation of referees" according to the club Monterrey.

Mexico/Angola. S Maiden (Sin) became Marquez's bitch by falling for every one of the contemptible pony-tailed clown's antics, paving the way for every poncy prick to mimic the showing of a yellow card and more often than not, said prick is being rewarded.

Australia/Japan. E Abdel-Fatah (Egypt) gave a goal to Japan after flagrant foul on Schwatzer, more gratuitous yellows.

Portugal/Iran. E Poulet issued more gratuitous yellows, blew up for every challenge. No less an authority than Juan Sebastion Veron once labeled the flabby faced fuck from France "stupid" after getting a second yellow for taking a free kick too quickly.

And that really says it all about refs anyway. The sheer provacation of the insuffrable referee presence, under any circumstances, never fails to infuriate. The mere sight of them makes you want to go blind drinking brake fluid.

Get rid of this shower now and let Poll ref the rest of the tournament.

Coming soon Mr Angry's Adwatch: "My account? Switched. My face? Punched." Mr Angry's Post Match Watch: "Do I want your shirt? No, I'm alright for toilet paper." Featuring Marquez, Gilardino, Drogba, De Rossi, Van Persie, Henry, Ayala etc etc

A Dutch lesson from 2000

Nederland were in the Group of Death. Co-members were France, Czeckia and, the eventual whipping-boys, Danmark. After two games, Nederland and France both had six points and a plus-four goal difference; France were topping the table by virtue of having scored one (and conceded one) more against Czeckia. Nederland and France were to play for the top group spot, although both had already qualified for the next round. The game was billed as a preview of the final. Oranje fielded their first team. The French coach used the game to give several members of his squad their first starting place. Nederland won the day, but lost the tournament.

Oranje had a phenomenal attack, as is evidenced by their six-one trouncing of Yugoslavia, but it was unable to better a definitive display of Italian catenacchio in the semi-final. The Italians won that game on penalties and were close to taking the final, until France scored a last-minute equaliser. The tournament was settled in France's favour with a golden goal.

When faced with a stubborn Italian defence, the coaches of France and Nederland had resorted to the same tactics: change to a more attacking shape and bring on attack-minded players. The differing result stemmed from that final group game. Whereas Nederland had put their stars through a tough game, France had rested theirs, and blooded secondary players who were to prove all the more useful as substitutes in later rounds.

My shape for England

robinson
beckham
gerrard
terry
ferdinand
lampard
rooney
acole
walcott
owen
jcole

        jc11    mo10    tw23

    ac03    wr09    fl08    rf05

        jt06    sg04    db07

                pr01

The captain leads from the back and passes to whom he chooses; Rooney gets a free role, Lamps is in the middle, but to the right. The Chelsea boys form a triangle. Ash to patrol the flank or switch with Wayne, if the Roonster is so inclined. Gerrard holds, Terry sweeps. Rio entertains without losing possesion. Joe to the flank when Cole goes back, Mickey work the line. (We know Stevie'll burst forward at some point, so be alert to cover.)

A stinking streak of sick on the side of the road

England. Is longball so engrained in their DNA that even relatively sophisticated players like Lampard and Gerrard fall back into default "kick it up to the big man" mode at the merest hint that things ain't going to be easy? The only solution is to drop Frank for Hargreaves and Crouch for Wolcott. It's probably too late anyway. England just don't know how to play football.

Let it Rain

Jesus what happened? Who'd have picked Spain to win the World Cup? Well I am now. Awesome. Well, against ten men. And Ukraine were Shevy + 10, but still, Spain it is.

I didn't know it was possible but England both suck and blow. Everyone else heavy is dozing in the sun and cruising like Togo's manager in the disco. In the 70s. And he was too old then. Best manager look by far. Domenech looks like a cross between an ageing Paris radical and a Philip K Dick character trapped in a mendacious technological nightmare.

Coaches' watch

Jury still out: Klinsmann, Eriksson

Kudos to: Don Leo for reacting to going a man down by sending on a striker; maybe he shouldn't have needed to react, AJ3 being an obvious candidate for half-time substitution

Quiet progression: Pekerman, Scolari, Basten, Parreira

Missed opportunities: Karel Bruckner -- with Czeckia two goals up against the plucky-but-uninspired USA, why make TR10 and PN11 run around in the heat for a further combined 90 minutes?

Neatly done: Hiddink didn't start with his strongest team against Zico's pretty zonal quasi-flair, keeping TC4 for early in the second half; the other two subs came on early too, overloading the Nihonese box with big blokes

Cool in the heat: Marcello Lippi identified ME8 in the opposition and had him out-psyched early in the game. Plan AP21 having worked as well, each sub brought something fresh and different

Could've done better: Aragones' replacements were late and his choices unadventurous